There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
