Already got asked if we're dating
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
