you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
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Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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