I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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