hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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