Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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