yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
