I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
