the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So many bounce houses so little time
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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