I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
