...so i touched it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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