Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
