Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
