He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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