I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You were trust falling into bushes
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
