Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
