too bad you live with your parents still
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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