Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
