I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
