if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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