My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
