If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
