Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
