Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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