so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
