I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
