I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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