lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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