you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
