dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
