Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize