I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
