I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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