One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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