I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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