Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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