Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
