i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
