C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
