His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
