I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
