You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
