It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
