Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
