That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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