I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
