Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
