3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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