I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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