somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
