I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
