Three words: puerto rican gang bang
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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