If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
