Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i drank out of a bidet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
