hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
