I didn't shave. On purpose
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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