We won't sleep together?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
