Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
