We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
