I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
