hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would ride that face into the sunset
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
