she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
