Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
