if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
