NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
